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Don’t go see Black Panther if…

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Don’t go see Black Panther if…

Don’t go see Black Panther if…

We here at Inbeon Mag have quite the diverse crew. A crock pot of diversity, if you will. Nevertheless you clicked to read this article because maybe you thought we were totally serious about not going to see “Black Panther.” Well, quite the contrary, this writer and mostly all of us enjoyed the movie. I opened up the sarcastic door to our staff and asked them to walk right in and add some reasons to the gumbo that is this article. So here we are (collectively) explaining why not (sarcastically and sometimes not) to see “Black Panther.” Enjoy!
– You don’t like Africa (lol)
– You don’t like super hero movies
– You don’t like sandwiches (this guy hasn’t seen the movie yet but wants to be helpful lol)
– You can’t stand depictions of powerful women
– You don’t like well thought out character development
– You don’t like Panthers (I saw one at the zoo once)
– You’re low-key alt right (we went there)
– If you don’t like the Hero’s Journey storyline for the umpteenth time
– If you want to dislike the villain (only spoiler)
– You think an all black cast is racist (it just got real lol, let’s lighten it up people!)
– You don’t like cool handshakes (nice)
– You don’t like good movies
– You don’t like subtitles
– You can’t stand sunsets (one of my favorite reasons)– You won’t understand why people are taking photos by the Black Panther poster
– You didn’t like the TSA agent friend, Rod, in the movie “Get Out”. If you didn’t, then YOU need to “get out”. Don’t ask why, just “get out”. Don’t even come. (some of us are very passionate)
– You don’t like explosions (ok we’re back on track with lightheartedness)
– You are the theater popcorn (so silly)
– If you have something against strong woman characters that kick ass in all ways (we said something like this before but it needed to be said again)
– If you don’t like Sterling K. Brown (“This is Us” is captivating)

– If you have ever worn a “Make America Great Again” hat in a non-comedic way (and we’re back with the political jokes, don’t worry we made room for more later)
You know what “those” are and you proceed to explain the make and model shoes you’re wearing (the movie snuck in a millennial joke, ask a millennial if you don’t understand: “What er those?!” lol)
– If you hate love (not sure what this means but sure why not)
– If you don’t think the human race originated in Africa (#woke)
– If you like to ice skate up hill (#GoToSleep)
– If you didn’t like Blade 1
– If you don’t like precious metals

-If you aren’t a Black Panther.
-If you didn’t watch Cool Runnings.
-If you didn’t get a plate at the cookout.- If you know who “Damn Daniel” is but have no idea who “Daquan” is (an instagram joke… I like it)
– If you thought Spawn was the pinnacle of black superhero movies
– If you long for “the good ol’ days” (with a box office boom like this, those days are fleeting)
– If you made it this far and haven’t found this the least bit funny
In all seriousness, this is a great movie. Of course people will find reasons to love it or hate it but you should go see it yourself. And make sure to comment on this article if you have your own reason not to see the movie (silly or not, we love it when you comment).

 

By David C. Morgan

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